Aesthetic beauty...

So it's really no secret to anyone that I don't have a really high self-esteem. I know that's dumb, that's pointless. God made me and I should love myself. But you know what? This world has such a screwed up view of what "beauty" is, I'm surprised ANY girl feels beautiful.

Holly and I were talking on the way back home from the beach Tuesday night, and quite frankly, we entered depths of my soul that I hadn't revealed to anyone. I have repressed so many answers to my question "Am I lovely?" As we talked I realized why I'm so immensely set on the idea that I am a hideous person, not worthy of being called beautiful or anything close to it.

I'm not sure why I'm typing all of this. I do not feel like the world as a whole will benefit from it.

But let's just say I've made some mistakes in my time. And the aftermath of those mistakes left me no room to doubt whether or not I was worthy of being called anything but worthless. I've tried to find acceptance with friends. I've tried to find acceptance in my family. I've tried to find my acceptance with boys. But it never works out. And I know we're supposed to only place our worth in God's hands... and when we do that we see just how wonderfully and fearfully made we are. But with so much hurt in someone's past, how is that possible?
To every person who has ever picked on someone's looks - how dare you? To every person who has ever put someone down because they are not "up to par" in their eyes - how dare you? It sickens me. It doesn't only sicken me because I know that it happens to others, it sickens me because I know it has happened to me. I know what it feels like to be uncomfortable with your weight, your complexion, your height. I know what it feels like to want to be gorgeous without makeup, not even lifting a finger to alter your appearance. And I want that. I want that so badly. I want people to stop answering my question with a "no." God is screaming a resounding "YES" to me, and I'm tired of mere humans trying to drown Him out.

Lately, He has been yelling far louder than the world... but through the world. Friends have been complimenting me left and right and it has really lifted my spirits. If you tell me that aesthetic beauty doesn't matter, you're lying to yourself. It does. The only problem is that we do not know what beauty is. And until we let God define it for us, our flesh will continue to ruin the lives of children, teenagers, men, and women. I don't want to take part in that. I see the beauty in everyone. I bask in the beauty of everyone because GOD CREATED EVERYONE. Like Emily Dornburg said today - "God, You are the most amazing artist EVER!" And it's so true. How about we treat His masterpieces as more than chicken scratch?