You better take off your shoes 'fore you come in my house!

First BCM meeting at Coker tonight. I must say, Dizzy Felkel did an amazing job. God has some awesome things in store for him and BCM this year, I'm sure of it! There were 30 people, which was a huge surprise because the average for last year on a good night was around 14. And with this being the first night, that was super encouraging.

The scripture that tonight's lesson came from was Exodus 3:1-6 which talks about Moses and the burning bush. For those of you who don't know that story - Moses is hanging out taking care of his father-in-law Jethro's sheep out in the desert. He stumbles across this burning piece of foliage - which #1 in the desert it's pretty weird to see random bushes anyway, and #2 it's even weirder to see burning random bushes. So Moses is like what the junk, I'm sure. Then this bush starts talking to him and proceeds to tell him to take off his shoes because he's on holy ground.

Have y'all ever been to someone's house like that before? Where they've been like "you betta take off yo shoes 'fore you come in my house!" Well, I haven't but I know other people have. So you do it as a sign of respect and as a sign of humility. You're doing what they've asked for whatever reason they've asked. Well Dizzy talked about a couple of things we can learn from this passage.

1. If a burning piece of foliage is speaking to you, there's a good chance it's God.
- God speaks to us all in different ways. Sometimes we are too stubborn to hear. Sometimes we aren't surrounding ourselves enough with Him, so when He does speak, we don't recognize the sound of His voice. Point being - listen for God and His calling. Can't go wrong there.

2. When God tells you to do something, there's a good chance He knows what He's talking about.
- When God told Moses to take off his shoes, it was because Moses was on "holy ground." Not many people know what that means. The phrase "holy ground" is used when referring to the presence of God. If God is at work... if God is speaking to you... you're on holy ground. No, you don't necessarily need to take your shoes off. But maybe you do. Maybe you just need to kneel before Him. Maybe you need to fall flat on your face acknowledging His reign over you and your life. Whatever you feel needs to be done, do it!


The main message Dizzy was trying to get across was - God's going to work. He's going to talk to us, He's going to guide us... if we let Him. We have to give Him that chance. We have to give Him that authority in our lives. Moses did what God asked. He recognized it was God, and he acted. We need to stop being so absorbed in ourselves and our own lives that we forget about God and we stop looking for Him.

"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." - Jeremiah 29:13

Bursting my bubble.

Courtney went off to college in Virginia.
Holly has a boyfriend that takes up a considerable amount of her time.
Zach isn't coming around as much as he used to for various reasons.

Well boo! I've been having myself a pity party lately about all of this. I pretty much lost 3 of my best friends within a month of each other. Well, at least that's how it felt. I know Courtney is where God wants her to be, I know Holly and I still hang out, and I know Zach has legitimate reasons for not coming to Hartsville as much. But still, it's stressful not having the encouragement I'm used to! Courtney, Holly, and Zach were the main people I discussed God with. We had many spiritual conversations that got me thinking and kept me growing.

There are all those verses about iron sharpening iron, friends sticking closer than brothers, etc. So I thought to myself "what am I supposed to do now?!" Then I read something. I'm not sure where I read it. Maybe it was tonight while I was at WIRED. But it said "bursting your Christian bubble" or something like that. And I realized that's what I was doing. I'm used to having my perfect little Christian friends around me that are open with their faith. It made being a Christian easy.

But now that those people aren't as intensely woven into my life anymore, I find myself hanging out with people that I normally wouldn't have. I find myself befriending those who may not go to church or even believe in God. Isn't that what we're supposed to be doing!? It's like I had some epiphany tonight... but it's an epiphany I should have had a long time ago. Having Christian friends is an awesome thing - you NEED them! And I still have Courtney, Holly, and Zach - as well as Courtney Sims and Casey.

So instead of being depressed because I'm losing touch with all of these awesome friends, I'm becoming excited that God has given me the chance to grow closer to others. Casey and I spend more time together than we ever have before - Courtney Sims and I have weekly lunch dates and various spontaneous activities together. And not to mention Taylor! We're starting to hang out and talk and get closer as well. Though there are many more, the three of them have had a profound impact on my life already. God has used them to speak to me and show me what I'm made for instead of what I thought I was made for. I've gotten back in touch with the Sarah that God intended. Courtney, Holly, and Zach didn't take away from that - they added to it as well. Without them I wouldn't be who I am today, and without them in the future, I won't be who I know God has made me to be.

I do miss them terribly. I'm just beginning to see what God is doing in this situation. He's freeing up a lot of my time so that I focus on Him, myself, others, and my family. He's allowing me time that I can grow closer to Him by quiet devotions. He's showing me that I shouldn't only spend time with the church going Christians of the world. And He's showing me that I have some awesome friends - whether I realize they're there or not. I love you all. :]

Should you start bursting your Christian bubble?

He's alive.

"I remember drifting off to la-la land as Bob shared how his 'gorgeous blonde' gently touched his hand after she found a grammatical error in the opening line of his essay. I was physically present with my college buddies at that plastic table, but my mind was on another planet. For the first time in my life, I was beginning to realize that if God's plan and purpose for my life really was marriage, then the person I was going to one day marry was most likely somewhere on this great big planet. And right at that moment she was doing something! I was swallowed up in one gigantic thought: She's alive!" - When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric & Leslie Ludy

Whoaaa. No I haven't thought about that before. I mean, if I'm being creepy and imagining myself marrying one of my friends or a guy I saw last weekend, then I think about what they're doing. But when it comes to the person God actually has for me, I don't think about the fact they are actually here and alive and doing things. My husband could be sleeping right now. He could be reading right now. He could be playing Yatzee right now. He could be with another girl right now, which I will deal with later.
But I really never thought about that. The person God has for me could be looking up at the same clouds I do every day. They could be wondering what I'm doing. They could be reading this blog. I think sometimes we get so caught up in the here and now and the people we see immediately in front of us, that we forget the person God has for us could be somewhere else on this planet. I look around and I see the guys that I know and I think "They probably aren't the ones for me." But you know what? Someone out there is. And I should be actively praying for that person in general and for his relationship with God. Have you ever taken time to pray for your possible spouse? Sit back and think about them. Wonder what they're doing. And pray that they are loving and adoring the same God you are.

Do what you love; love what you do.

Yesterday I woke up at 8:30a.m. I got ready for school and left earlier than usual to get to the library so I could reprint my paper, and Ryan's paper, because I had messed up on something the night before. I hurriedly got it done, then headed to my first class. Introduction to Behavioral Statistics. Woo. I halfway listened to the exact same thing I'd heard since my Freshman year - "To get onto a database you go to the library website..." - and I Facebooked. After that class was over I scadoodled over to my next class, Peer Counseling. I listened. I took notes. I participated- somewhat. And then I left. Taco Bell was my next destination where I obtained a #5, chicken, hard taco with no lettuce, large Pepsi and a 10% discount. Thanks Coker. I ate it alone and quite quickly. After all, it was 12:30 and I had to be in my next class at 1. I got back to Coker and went to my Counseling Children class. I took more notes. I participated. I spent a good amount of time slyly texting. The professor hates texting. But I was so bored. It was keeping me awake. After class got out I went to Sonic and got a lemon berry slush because it was happy hour. Then I went to work. I was the only person in my class, so it was a bit hectic, but nothing too bad. I had to be at a cookout for BCM at 4, but I couldn't leave work since I was the only person in my class. I left at 6:10 and got there around 6:20. The cookout only lasted until 7. I got a quick bite to eat, literally, and then it was basically over. I left Coker after cleaning up and got home around 8. Since I had gotten up that morning I had been wanting to ride Shorty. So, even though I was about to pass out from going, going, going, I got my horse and we went riding. I rode him for about 40 minutes. I loved it.

What was wrong with that day? Well, nothing I guess. Except there was no passion anywhere. No love... until I got on my horse. I like going to Coker. It's an awesome school. But I hate how much time it takes up. I feel like I never have time for God and that in and of itself is a ridiculous statement. It's like everything I do is busy work. There's no love in it. I feel like I'm learning things just for tests, and not learning them for the long run. I look forward to going to class because the professors are nice and sometimes we have fun... but I'm not passionate about it.

I prayed while I rode Shorty. Riding him was very calming. Lately my life has been go, go, go... and all I want to do sometimes is sit and read my Bible. Or sit in silence. Or just ride my horse for an hour. I just have to find the hour to do that. My mind is constantly going with money problems, family probelms, school problems. And all of the chaoticness in my mind causes me to push God further away in my schedule.

While I prayed, God began speaking to me. I began questioning whether or not psychology was what He has for me. I love horses. I love barrel racing. I feel like I'm where I'm supposed to be when I'm on the back of a horse, watching a rodeo, or hanging out with friends who share those interests.

I have two friends that are passionate about two things. Kevin Thigpen is intensely passionate about music. God did not tell him, "Hey Kevin, it's great you love music... but I'd like you to be a dentist." Kevin is playing music, and as far as I know planning on having a career in music. And he's doing it for God. Emily Dornburg is very passionate about art. God did not say to her "Emily, you know, I'm glad you like art and expressing yourself... but could you either be a secretary or only paint crosses?"

When I first became a Christian, I thought that my career had to be focused only on Christians. To serve God you had to be a pastor, be a missionary, work at a church, or teach at a Christian school. I mean, I didn't see anything wrong with other professions... it was just that's what I thought I had to do. Well, God is now showing me otherwise. God gave me the desire to love horses and do things with horses. And instead of seeing that as a selfish thing, I'm beginning to see it as an inspiring thing. He put the want and the love inside of me. He knows that those things are what make me feel alive. None of my friends, besides Taylor Bell, ride horses, so I thought that that was God's way of showing me that's not what He wants for me. But I don't think anymore that it was Him holding me back.

So last night, as I rode my horse off into the sunset (literally), I decided I am going to break horses and train horses to the barrel pattern. I felt that for once, I was going to be doing what I was meant to do. I'm still going to finish my Psychology degree through Coker. I can be a counselor at a school or church or something of the sort until everything else falls into place. But I do not believe any longer that my focus in life is going to be placed on counseling. And I'm okay with that. I believe God's okay with that. I can still serve Him through horses. I will have so much contact with people. And I'll be active in other areas of ministry. I'll be doing what I love, and loving what I do. For God.

WHEN I TYPE LIKE THIS I AM YELLING AT YOU.

So about 5 minutes ago I was sitting here thinking, "Wow, I'd really like to post a blog, but I haven't had anything to post about lately. Kind of stinks."

And then I heard my dad screaming profanities from the kitchen. I got up and went in there to see what was wrong, though I knew it would be ridiculous. He was cleaning the floor, and our puppy, Daisey Mae, kept walking on it.

Well then, I stand corrected. That is OBVIOUSLY a reason to get angry! Ugh! How dare that puppy walk on the same floor it's always used to walking on! How dare it have the AUDACITY to do such a thing?! Right?!

Very wrong.

I am very against anger. I'm not sure why. You can say it's not biblical if you want, but you get angry and do good with it, then show me, and we'll reach an verdict. I know God gets angry... supposedly Jesus got angry at the temple. And there are verses that say "be angry and do not sin" or "do not let the sun go down on your anger." But there are also verses that say "Do away with all anger, malicious behavior... etc." And verses that say "As long as it depends on you live at peace with all men." There is almost never a time when anger flows from a peaceful heart. If we are angry, it is often because of our own rude desires and faults. Sometimes I get angry for God, because of a sin or something I see someone doing that is against Him, but I hardly ever get angry at a person. I have just realized nothing good comes of it. Right now my heart is not at rest. Just hearing my dad get upset caused me to get worked up and stressed out. Anger does not seem to be good for the body.

I believe it is very important that we all try our best to live peacefully. I believe it is very important that we all try our best to find joy in every situation. And though I know sometimes we lose our temper, sometimes we overreact, sometimes we freak out, maybe even over a big thing... we need to realize in the end that what sets us apart from the world is that when we take a step back and see the situation, we know God is at work and He may be using a trial to test us. A trial to test our faith. A trial to test our patience. Even a trial to test our joy and peace.

From now on, try to have a peace about things. Even if you think it's not bad to get angry, still.. try not to. Try to remain calm and joyful through all situations. That's a strong way to shine our light for Christ - no doubt about it.

I've always loved you.

You don't want to talk to Me anymore, but I still love you.
You never tell Me I'm beautiful, but I still love you.
When I'm around you make Me feel invisible, but I still love you.
You ignore Me when I try to help you, but I still love you.
Sometimes your actions show how much you don't care, but I still love you.
I never seem to be good enough, but I still love you.
When I cry you look the other way, but I still love you.
I sing to you and you don't listen, but I still love you.
I give you gifts and you push them away, but I still love you.
When I smile at you, you find something to frown about, but I still love you.
You do what makes Me unhappy, but I still love you.
You will never be perfect, but I still love you.
I gave you My life and you keep holding yours, but I still love you.
I keep calling your name and you don't answer, but I still love you.
When you begin to talk to Me again, know that I love you.
When you think everything is filled with beauty, know that I love you.
When you feel My presence, know that I love you.
When you listen to My guidance, know that I love you.
When everything you do is dedicated to Me, know that I love you.
When you realize I'm all you need, know that I love you.
When your tears are of joy, know that I love you.
When you sing songs to Me, know that I love you.
When you give more than you receive, know that I love you.
When the sunlight is incomparable to your smile, know that I love you.
When you make Me happy, know that I love you.
When you strive for perfection, know that I love you.
When you lose your life, know that I love you.
When you answer My call, know that I love you.
When the world is no more, know that I have always loved you.

All I Need

This song is all I can think about tonight. There's a horrible burning in my heart, and nothing seems to be able to put it out.



Here it comes it’s all blowing in tonight
I woke up this morning to a blood red sky
They’re burning on the bridge turning off the lights
We’re on the run I can see it in your eyes
If nothing is safe then I don’t understand
You call me your boy but I’m trying to be the man
One more day and it’s all slipping with the sand
You touch my lips and grab the back of my hand
The back of my hand
Guess we both know we’re in over our heads
We got nowhere to go and no home that’s left
The water is rising on a river turning red
It all might be ok or we might be dead
If everything we’ve got is slipping away
I meant what I said when I said until my dying day
I’m holding on to you, holding onto me
Maybe it’s all gone black but you’re all I see
You’re all I see
The walls are shaking, I hear them sound the alarm
Glass is breaking so don’t let go of my arm
Grab your bags and a picture of where we met
All that we’ll leave behind and all that’s left
If everything we’ve got is blowing away
We’ve got a rock and a rock till our dying day
I’m holding on to you, holding on to me
Maybe it’s all we got but it’s all I need
You’re all I need
And if all we’ve got is what no one can break
I know I love you
If that’s all we can take
The tears are coming down
They’re mixing with the rain
I know I love you, if that’s all we can take
A pool is running for miles on the concrete ground
We’re eight feet deep and the rain is still coming down
The TV’s playing it all out of town
We’re grabbing at the fray for something that won’t drown

I'm beautiful.

A while back I did a blog about the guy I'm going to marry. Well, doing a blog doesn't exactly make it official. We still have doubts, we still feel worthless, we still look to people to define us.
I've asked God multiple times to show me how beauitful I am to Him - to remind me that I'm gorgeous in His eyes. I haven't asked in a while. But this morning I decided I wanted to turn the radio on, which I don't do often while I'm getting ready. I asked God to have something for me as I listened. I haven't been seeking Him as I should, but I wanted to remember He's there. And then there was the song. The song that came on. I cried. God showed me how beautiful I was. The song was "More Beautiful You" - Jonny Diaz. And part of the song was my life word for word. It was uncanning how similar my life has been. Maybe you've all heard the song, maybe not. Either way it was more than a blessing. It was a love song to me. And to all girls. So here are some thoughts. Not too deep, not too intense... but real. Me.

"Little girl twenty-one, the things that you've already done - anything to get ahead.
And you say you've got a man, but he's got another plan - only wants what you will do instead.
Well little girl twenty-one, you never thought that this would come.
You starve yourself to play the part.
But I can promise you, there's a man whose love is true. And he'll treat you like the jewel you are.
'Cause there could never be a more beautiful you.
Don't buy the lies, disguises, hoops they make you jump through.
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do.
So there could never be a more beautiful you."

AHHH. I just want to cry any time I even read the words. Just the first part alone screams out. So many women will do anything to get a man. ANYTHING. And they'll do anything to keep him. They'll compromise their desire for sexual purity just to cling to the "love" they think they have. They do all of that just so they can say they have a man - a future husband - but many men are just using the women for what they'll do. They have other plans. Now, this is not all guys - I know quite a few great ones. This is just a mentality that has become so prominent. And so many girls will starve themselves to fit the perfect girlfriend role. They want to be beautiful, sexy, and loved by the world's standards - not God's. And the next line just brings me so much hope. "But I can promise you, there's a man whose love is true. And he'll treat you like the jewel you are." There WILL be a man who will treat me like the jewel I am. Because there could never be a more beautiful me. No matter what the world tells me, I have been told by the King that I am gorgeous and magnificent in His eyes. One day I will be with someone who will know what he has when he has me. No more degrading. No more belittling. He will love me with a love like Christ loves.
Now, I'm in no hurry. God has perfect timing. Just like He has perfect timing answering my prayer for worth in Him later than I expected. He knew when I'd need the answer the most... and He knows when I'll be ready for the one man to make me feel as wonderful as I really am.

:]