A heart at peace.

Proverbs 14:30 - "A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones."


This was my memory verse for the day. And to start with I was like, hmmm, I wonder what God wants me to learn through that.
Well, tonight He showed me. I am a selfish being. All humans are selfish beings. But I was in denial, for the most part. I liked to think that I put others before myself, gave them the benefit of the doubt, etc., but I didn't. I figured out tonight that I don't feel good enough for various reasons, so I try my best to find fault with others. I try my best to find how they aren't good enough. Ridiculous. I have become a very vindictive, sneaky, and outright conceited person in this area. I like to play the blame game; or at least I liked to. If I saw a problem, or if I felt threatened, it was automatically the other person's fault- never my own. Oh how wrong I was. I am at fault. We all are. And we cannot have a heart at peace unless we admit that and let God heal us from the inside out. I would like to apologize for any rude, out of place, vulgar, or hurtful things I've said to or about people in blogs or in person. At the time I didn't see a problem with it, but now God is showing me that because of my envy, or my constant want for something someone else has - an attitude, a reaction, a personality, a peace about them - I am not at peace. I was at war on the inside, and I was waiting to lose.

Now I have lost, and God has won.
Thank you for being patient with me, showing me my faults, and showing me how immature I can be even when I believe I'm being the "bigger person."